


Castiel: The Evolution of Understanding Love

by TheYandereQueen



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural Novels - Various, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Character Development, Confessions, Declarations Of Love, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt Castiel, I'm Sorry Castiel, Implied Castiel/Dean Winchester, Loss, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Moral Lessons, Nonbinary Character, POV Castiel, Texting, True Love, Understanding Castiel, Understanding Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 00:32:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14124261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheYandereQueen/pseuds/TheYandereQueen
Summary: After a death of a friend, Castiel tries to understand the meaning of love.





	Castiel: The Evolution of Understanding Love

**2 days, 1 hour, 37 minutes**

“I think they just wanted you to know that they loved you.” One of the Winchester brothers offered softly, handing the phone back.

Castiel could not look away from the final text message. It was sent precisely...

 **3 days 14 hours and 26 minutes ago**. 

_What this dark place that has opened up inside my chest?_

Castiel did not agree with Sam’s conclusion.

He knew his friends, and his lover better than the platitudes offered up by social norms. It was logical within the confines of friendship that Sam and Dean would try to emotionally comfort him. He did not have dopamine or serotonin, so he did not have emotions. He was an Angel of the Lord. He was above such human trivialities.

_Then what is this void that feels like something essential is missing?_

Their sentiments only revealed that they were preparing their minds for the worst.

 _Unacceptable_.

His companion was alive.

But, What does this word really mean? He reread the string of texts.

 

> I love you Castiel.
> 
> I’ve always loved you.
> 
> I’m sorry I didn’t say it.
> 
> This will be the last time. I am fading. Please, choose happiness for me. I want you to be happy.
> 
> I love you. 

He had observed it before. 

He understood the motions, the patterns, the physicality. No atoms truly dictated love. It seemed different, unexplainable like a quantum swerving yet unobservable in the science, the laws God created.

They had loved him. Loved Castiel. Not the vessel, but the essence.

Castiel returned to his friends, only to see them frantically trying to find...

**7 days 22 hours 19 minutes.**

The unidentifiable remains of a body were found, along with the cell phone that had sent the final text.

Sam watched as it burned, heart heavy with emotion.

“I’m sorry for you loss Cas. They felt it was important in their last moments to tell you how they really felt. If you want to talk...”

**1 month 16 days 19 hours 22 minutes**

There would never be another text. 

For infinity.

Never. 

The confluence of a trillion decisions, a million rules, thousands of failures, evolution and sheer chance had created this unique soul who had graced his presence.

This soul had touched him. Had chosen him. 

But, Only for a breath in the scheme of the universe.

But, that breath of the universe was the first time Castiel understood beauty.

He understood the fleeting tragedy of human life.

Underneath a bitter resentment at the finality of it. He could not return to them. Had stopped him at the sandbox.

He felt his heart, it burst with emotion as if he was burning.

He burned from the things he had done in the name of God, in the name of heaven. The ache remained.

_Does this void ever fill? Will I ever stop missing them?_

**One year six months 14 days and 49 minutes.**

He stared at the phone.

 

> I love you.

They had so little time. It was a gift.

Dean had brought him back, had brought them all back.

_But not his love._

He thought again to the Confluence of all of the actions and all of the laws that the Universe had to enact for this very moment in time to exist and this very situation to arise. 

Dean was a breath of the universe. And Sam.

_Just like you._

Castiel typed back.

Wishing the text would be read. Finally knowing how to reply. 

 

> I loved you too.
> 
> I just didn’t know it at the time.
> 
> I’m sorry I didn’t appreciate our time together.
> 
> I promise not to make the same mistake twice. 
> 
> I'll do as you wish. I'm going to be Happy. I choose happiness.

He sent the text. His lesson learned. He would not squander the time he had left with his friends, his family.

He reached out, grasping the hand of his affection.

His eyes wide, bare to the Universe.

He took a breath. A breath with the Universe.

"I love you Dean Winchester. I've always loved you."


End file.
